just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
