I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
