Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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