Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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