I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
