Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
