I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
