New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
