i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
