Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
