You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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