Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
