...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well I just put wine in my tea
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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