My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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