I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
