why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
