What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
