walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
