Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
