Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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