This is not my ceiling
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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