i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
