The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
