I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
