i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
