Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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