dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
