i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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