Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
