Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
