so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
