i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
