he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
