Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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