What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
