I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
