chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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