Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
