Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
