1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to make a zoo with you.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Congratulations! We have a period
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