its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oh god it's open bar.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
