I think scott just propositioned me for sex
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
