so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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