I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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