You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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