why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There are leaves in my underwear?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
