i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Blood and glitter go together right?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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