TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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