he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
