hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
