I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
