HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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